when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
