i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
