Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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