nut hugger
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
