i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
