Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I would fuck him just for his dog
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
