Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
