dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
