Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
