I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
