I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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