This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
