You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
