My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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