She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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