There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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