I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
