i would punch a child for taco bell
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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