If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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