I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
kristin has been a bad kristin
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
