Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
