He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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