Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do vagina's smell?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
