u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
