I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
