Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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