I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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