I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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