Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
