I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
