white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
