i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
