my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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