I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
