Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
