I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
