Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
