i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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