I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Screwed.edu
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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