Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
