$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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