we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
