So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
