I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
