I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
