Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
me + whiskey = a bad person
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
