If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
