Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
