btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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