he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
