I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
