the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
