i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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