Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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