WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
