i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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