i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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