the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
last night I used snow as a chaser
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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