So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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