Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sober January is a disaster.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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