I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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