i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
