I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
