Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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