I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
