Your dad touched me again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
