I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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