I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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