You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
