Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
