I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
