That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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